just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
