Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
