we have pet lesbian snakes
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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