You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
