I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
