I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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