these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
