using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
