I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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