you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Sorry about my life...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
