at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
