it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
