please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
