saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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