so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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