I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
