Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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