she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
