and you said cock pushups were impossible
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
