apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
