i don't like sucking hair
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
