4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
