Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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