I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
