Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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