I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
