Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
3pm strippers are depressing
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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