I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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