This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
