its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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