a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This is my gift to your gina
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I could fuck to npr.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
