walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
