i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
