Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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