How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
