you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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