if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
