He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
