He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
