Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I had to cum in my sink.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
