Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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