I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
