I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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