She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You left your phone here
Wait...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
