I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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