I am puke
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
