I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
