You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
