I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
