It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
