New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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