I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
