just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
