Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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