Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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