it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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