Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
