Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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