what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
